All About Conclusions

So the essay is winding down. The introduction is clear, the thesis statement has been explained in detail point-by-point, and the word-count requirement is within reach. Time to stop writing, huh? Well, almost.

Now comes the conclusion, the most important part of the essay aside from the intro. "But I already explained it all," you say. "What's left to write?"

Well, you just finished explaining your last point in detail, which means it's probably been a while since you mentioned your other points. The conclusion is the place where you will summarize your complete argument, paraphrasing your most hard-hitting points and--this is the important part--putting them into perspective.

Perspective is what differentiates the conclusion from the introduction. In the introduction, you are focused on providing a backdrop for your argument. In the conclusion, you give the argument broad context--explaining what the argument contributes to the subject matter, why it is important, and/or how it fits into the world at large. (So you would not simply copy your introduction and paste it in the conclusion's spot like I've seen more than one student do.)

Time for an example. First, let me show you the introduction:

Mountain lions are creatures that naturally prefer to avoid confrontations with other non-prey animals. In recent decades, however, shrinking habitats have forced mountain lions into areas populated by humans. As a result, mountain lions are attacking humans at increasing rates every year in an attempt to protect their territory. Lawmakers can help solve this problem by setting aside more land for wildlife reservations, providing more funding to national parks to educate the public on wildlife safety, and enforcing hunting restrictions on reserved land.

Ok, now the conclusion:

As people continue to intrude into mountain lion habitats, attacks on humans will only increase (context/importance). Swift action is needed to protect the public from these beautiful, misunderstood creatures (persuasive call to action). Lawmakers can do much to reduce the threat of attack by setting aside additional land for wildlife, granting more funds to national parks, and enforcing hunting restrictions on reserved land (summary of thesis). By taking these actions, lawmakers will not only help protect the public from these wild attacks, but they will also promote understanding and respect for these endangered animals (additional importance/expansion of issue).

Notice how the conclusion differs widely from the introduction. The introduction provides background information that introduces the argument, while the conclusion features contextual information that highlights the necessity of the argument.

Once you master the art of writing conclusions, you'll be one big step closer to earning a stellar grade.

Writing Myth #2

Today's post will address another writing myth I hear very often.

Myth #2: I write better at the last minute.

This is the context in which I have most often heard this statement uttered: a student comes to me to have his essay checked. It is the day before the assignment is due. The draft of the essay the student hands to me is incomplete. The student may have written as little as a thesis statement. The research used in the essay (if any) has not been cited. The draft is riddled with empty phrases and grammatical errors. I point out these weaknesses to the student and inquire as to how he expects to polish this turd of an essay by the next day's deadline. He then says, "It's ok. I tend to write better at the last minute."

I know what students mean when they say this: deadlines are very motivating. The faster a deadline approaches, the more motivated students feel to grind out academic essays. Totally understandable. However, Nobel Prize-winning composition skills don't magically materialize under duress. All students possess the same writing skills on day one of an assignment as they do on day 10. If you commonly wait until the day before an assignment is due to begin the writing process, that may be why you're falling far short of earning those A's you want.

Notice I said "begin the writing process." Many A-earning students wait until the day before a deadline to put the first draft of their essays on paper, but that's Step 6 in an eight-step process. Many of the students (like the one in my example above) who claim to write better the day before a deadline are waiting until then to begin the ENTIRE writing process. And by then, it is too late.

So what does the Grammar Nazi do? For a standard 5-page essay, I take 2 to 3 days before the assignment deadline to actually write. The process, however, begins way before that. The moment I receive the assignment instructions, I begin thinking about how I will approach the essay. I immediately make notes on the assignment sheet about possible subject matter and ideas for my thesis statement. I then take the next few days to formulate and refine the thesis statement. (I often write a second thesis statement as a backup in case my first one turns out to be tragically weak, incompatible with the assignment, or insupportable.) Once the thesis statement is to my liking, I spend 1 to 2 days on research. (A day equals 4 to 6 hours in the library. Yes, that's it, because I know what to look for and, usually, how to find it.) I then take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour to draft my outline. When that is done, I am prepared to write.

Now, try cramming that entire process into a single 24-hour day and you can see how it quickly becomes overwhelming. This is what many students do: they refuse to think about the assignment until they can no longer ignore the encroaching deadline. Under stress, they throw together a semi-cohesive thesis statement, pull a couple of quick sources from the Web, and stay up all night frantically typing anything relevant that comes to mind. Is it any wonder that bad grades typically result from this approach to writing?

Many elements must be present in stellar composition: correct grammar and punctuation, writing that's cohesive and stays on topic, a solid thesis statement, a well-reasoned argument, and academic research. A student that is stressed out and sleep deprived from starting an assignment at the eleventh hour is incapable of ensuring the quality of all those elements, even with Spell-check at their disposal. Writing stellar essays means starting the writing process soon after receiving the assignment--even if that means just taking a few days to think about a plan of action.

And for goodness sake, GET SOME SLEEP!

Writing Concisely

Writing concisely is probably the most difficult skill to learn. It requires having a solid, mature vocabulary. It means boiling ideas down to their most basic and powerful elements and then expressing them in the simplest grammatical terms. Writing concisely, therefore, takes a good deal of practice to master. However, it is the most desired element in academic composition.

Many students shy away from writing concisely--not because of its difficulty, but because they think that doing so will prevent them from achieving the essay's length requirement. They stretch their sentences out as far as possible, breaking one word into two or three words when they can and adding additional modifying phrases. However, there are several problems with this approach to achieving length:

a. The essay usually sounds like it was written by a kindergartner.

b. The sentences are so long and convoluted, their meanings are obscured or confused.

c. The phrasing is painfully awkward.

d. Content is sacrificed in the process.

Need length? Expand your argument and dig deeper into your research for evidence and supporting details. Professors set length requirements for this very reason--to force students to become extremely familiar with a subject by developing, and then defending, a sophisticated argument.

Where does length rate on most professors' grading scales? I'll show you:

1. Student correctly followed the assignment instructions (i. e., developed an argument that was on topic).

2. Student fully addressed the writing prompt.

3. Student presented a clear and valid thesis.

4. Student addressed and defended all aspects of his or her thesis.

5. Student's research and supporting material was valid, used appropriately, and met academic standards.

6. Research was properly documented (no plagiarism occurred).

7. Student demonstrated good use of vocabulary and committed few grammatical errors.

8. Student achieved required length.

That's right. Out of all the essay's elements, length rates nearly last in importance. Nearly all professors who determine that a student was spot on with elements 1 through 7 won't care much if an essay is half a page shorter than the required length. So why waste time writing like a kindergartner?

Writing concisely means examining each sentence and determining if it can be phrased in a simpler, more powerful way. In effect, it means streamlining your sentences so that they flow well and deliver your ideas like a punch to the jaw. Achieving conciseness can mean completely rephrasing a sentence, replacing a phrase with a single word that has the same meaning, or simply cutting unnecessary words and phrases from the essay.

Examples

Original: In order to pass the new environmental bill, senators must work hard to rally the support of their constituents.

Rewrite: To pass the new environmental bill, senators must rally their constituents' support.


Original: Macbeth should not have murdered Duncan. Doing so was a mistake.

Rewrite: Macbeth committed a grave error when he murdered Duncan.


Original: The novel's protagonist travels here and there throughout the desert, eventually meeting up with the antagonist who promptly swindles him out of all his money.

Rewrite: The novel's protagonist wanders aimlessly through the desert until he meets the antagonist, who then swindles him and takes all of his money.


See the difference?

Writing Myth #1

Working as a tutor, I often hear strange opinions and assumptions about academic writing. I call these "writing myths". Today, I'd like to address the one I hear most often.

Myth #1: I must agree with my professor's point-of-view on this topic in order to get an "A" on my essay.

To say this is a myth is to invite some backlash. I know half a dozen people are out there claiming, "But I had this one professor who..." Yeah, I've those stories. And some of them are legit. But it's an egotistical snot rag of a professor who will flunk an essay just because he disagrees with a student's view. After all, higher education is about learning to think for yourself.

So why does this myth still get so much press? It has to do with students having a skewed perspective. If you think your professor is flunking you for expressing a different opinion, consider the following:

1. Students often form arguments around their misinterpretation of a text. When this happens, professors--who know the text forwards and backwards--simply give the appropriate grade and move on.

2. The student may have failed to develop or fully support his argument. If this is the case, you can guarantee the dreaded red ink will make an appearance.

3. The student expressed an opinion instead of developing an argument--an automatic death sentence for an essay's grade. For more on the difference between an opinion and an argument, read Building an Argument.

4. The professor has spent more time and research developing his or her view. Students who wish to present an opposing view had best do their homework and make it convincing.

5. The student may have misunderstood the essay assignment or failed to fully address the writing prompt. If that's the case, even agreeing with the professor's views won't help. You can read more about understanding the assignment in The Writing Process, Part 1.

Many times, students claim they received a bad grade for "disagreeing" with their professors, when another factor was really to blame. Most professors want students to think for themselves. After all, innovation derives from free thinking. However, professors must also uphold academic standards of research to ensure that any new ideas emerging in a particular discipline are valid and useful. Presenting a new idea always carries some risk, but it can be a risk worth taking. If your argument holds up under scrutiny, you could walk away with that oh-so-coveted "A".

On the other hand, there are a few egotistical snot rags out there giving out bad grades to free-thinking students. If your essay falls victim to one of these professors, you do have some recourse:

a. Ask your professor to explain, in detail, why you received a bad grade.

b. If he or she refuses to explain, or the explanation is unsatisfactory, take your essay--along with the instructions and writing prompt--to two other professors in the SAME department, preferably ones who teach the same or similar course. Explain the situation and ask them for their professional opinions.

c. If you receive positive feedback, ask if they would be willing to put it in writing. Then take your essay, their comments, instructions and prompt to the department chair.

d. Explain the situation to the department chair. Allow him or her time to review your essay and the other professors' comments. If he or she agrees the grade is unwarranted, ask him or her to speak to your professor. If the answer is "no", ask if you can file a formal complaint with the department instead.

e. Encourage other complaining classmates to do the same.

In some cases, following this procedure can get a bad grade on a GOOD essay reversed. It can also anger and annoy your professor--so don't try it unless you're 100% sure you're getting a raw deal. However, YOU paid for the course. If you're fulfilling all of the class requirements, you deserve to pass. Also, as the guardians of the academic world, professors should be held accountable. Sometimes, it's ok to challenge the status quo.

Fortunately, I've never had to do it.

Building an Argument

Once while giving a presentation on academic writing, I stated that essays should be relatively free of opinion. Immediately, a student asked, "But isn't the thesis statement basically the writer's opinion on a subject?"

Well, yes. And no.

An opinion is simply a belief that a person holds. It can be rational or irrational, supported or unsupported by fact. An opinion can develop from any type of influence or no influence at all.

A thesis statement, however, is a logical, well-structured argument that is formed after a student has thoroughly analyzed a subject, problem, or text. It MUST be supported by a well-reasoned argument based on research and evidence. Therefore, a thesis statement is not simply an opinion.

Building and supporting an argument is perhaps the toughest challenge of writing any essay. Many students struggle to do it and fall short--mainly because they are never taught how to create an argument of college-level sophistication. However, building a solid argument has been boiled down to a practical formula:

Essay Body Paragraph

Sentence 1: Topic sentence--introduces the point, focus, or argument for that paragraph ONLY.

Sentence 2: Explanation or expansion of the topic.

Sentence 3-4: Crux of argument (may include quote from text or expert.)

Sentence 5: Explanation/interpretation of quote in the previous sentence, or example from text that demonstrates or supports argument.

Sentence 6: Explanation of example provided in previous sentence, or concluding thought on the quote explained in previous sentence.


...Or to break it down even more simply: statement, example, interpretation/explanation, conclusion (in that order).


I will provide an example of this formula at work in an excerpt from one of my own college essays:

The most notable aspect of Douglass’s Narrative is the way in which Douglass redefines Christianity. (Topic) This indeed involves psychological strategy, as Douglass constructs his perspective of Christianity through the “othering” of the southern slaveholders’ beliefs and behaviors. (Expansion of Topic + Crux) In the process of “othering”--as described by Toni Morrison, the Nobel Prize-winning author--one standard of behavior is described and, in Douglass’s case, shown to be undesirable. (Expert definition + Explanation) Its presence in the text then serves to define and highlight its more desirable opposite (16-17). (Further explanation) This process is most visibly seen in Douglass’s account of the Sabbath school, which he taught while working for Mr. Freeland. (Example from text) He says,

"It was necessary to keep our religious masters at St. Michael’s unacquainted with the fact, that, instead of spending the Sabbath in wrestling, boxing, and drinking whiskey, we were trying to learn to read the will of God; for they had much rather see us engaged in those degrading sports, than to see us behaving like intellectual, moral, and accountable beings. My blood boils as I think of the bloody manner in which Messrs. Wright Fairbanks and Garrison West...rushed in upon us with sticks and stones, and broke up our virtuous little Sabbath school...all calling themselves Christians!" (1924-25) (Quote illustrating example)

Here, Douglass draws attention to the discrepancy between the slaveholders’ profession of faith and their behavior. (Interpretation of quote) While many of his masters make long prayers and preach revivals, they ultimately use their beliefs as “a dark shelter under, which the darkest, foulest, grossest, and most infernal deeds of slaveholders find the strongest protection” (1923). (Logical conclusion based on interpretation + additional supporting quote)


Benefits of following this formula:

1. Thesis statement is always well-supported.

2. Argument is clearly defined and explained.

3. Writing flows well and STAYS ON TOPIC!

4. Meaningless repetition and empty statements are avoided.

5. You will have written a stellar essay.

Grammar Lesson #2: Fragments and Run-ons

Now that we have defined what a sentence is, I can tell you about fragments and run-ons and how to correct them. Remember that out of all grammatical errors, professors generally consider fragments and run-ons to be the worst offenders. So if you must remember anything, remember this lesson.

Fragment: an incomplete sentence, as defined by the following:

1. A sentence in which the subject noun or verb is missing, OR
2. A sentence that is missing a part that would logically complete its meaning, OR
3. An instance in which a subordinate clause has been left to stand on its own (which it cannot do).

Examples
* Steve Jobs discussing company projects. (Problem: missing "is".)
* Although he had a date. (Problem: subordinate clause. Missing rest of thought.)

Now, let me say this: we speak (and, therefore, write) in fragments fairly often. It's natural. When speaking, a person creates a context of understanding with another person that removes the need to use complete sentences. We all understand the meaning of certain fragments, such as "Not good enough" and "Too much!" For this reason, fragments are often used in creative writing to create a conversational style.

However, academic writing is different. Using fragments in an essay, even conversational ones, can make your essay sound too casual. Remember, academic writing is all about formality and professionalism. It's also about grammatical correctness, and fragments are never grammatically complete.

So, how do you catch a fragment? The best way is to read your paper aloud before starting the revision process. Ears are much more adept at catching grammatical errors than eyes. When you find a fragment, evaluate it to determine what is missing and then add the missing elements.


Run-on: an instance in which two or more sentences run together without being separated by end punctuation.

Notice I said END punctuation. Sentences separated by commas are still run-ons.

Examples
* President Obama angered several senators after he was elected he said he would eliminate pork barrel projects.
* Children should eat healthier, obesity could kill them.

Run-ons are difficult to read and tolerate. Readers naturally NEED to pause briefly in reading to process information, and end punctuation provides that essential pause. Punctuation also groups information into logical chunks that can be easily processed by the brain. Run-ons cause confusion and frustrate readers. Leaving run-ons uncorrected is a sloppy and inconsiderate thing to do, which is why professors grade them so harshly.

For example, notice the confusion of logic in the first run-on example sentence. Should the missing punctuation go after "senators" or after "elected"? The reader has to cease processing the sentence's information to figure it out. Forget about the argument you were building in your essay; the reader is now busy trying to mentally fix your sentences. If readers have to do this more than twice while reading your essay, what do you think they'll be more likely to remember afterward: your argument or their frustration? I know what your professor will remember!

Writing run-ons is like trying to sell a scratched sports car. The car may have a fantastic interior and raging horsepower. However, the first thing the car's potential buyers are going to notice is the scratches. If the scratches are bad enough, no one may offer to buy the car, no matter how great the engine or how low the price. Appearance is worth something. A polished exterior sells a great car. A polished essay sells a great argument. Grammatical errors are insanely distracting.

Correcting run-ons is fairly easy. First, know what a sentence is (as explained in Lesson #1). Second, read your essay aloud. If a sentence sounds jumbled, stop and look for where end punctuation is needed. Any sentence that causes you to stop and try to "figure out" the logic either needs to be punctuated or rephrased. If you run out of breath reading a sentence aloud or if you eyes get tired reading a sentence silently, those may be signs of a run-on. No sentence should ever be over four typed lines. Keeping sentences as short and concise as possible will eliminate most, if not all, run-ons.

In the meantime, keep up the good write!

Grammar Lesson #1: Sentences

Since this IS the Grammar Nazi's blog, I figured it was time for a grammar lesson. Today's focus: sentences.

Now before you roll your eyes and say, "Well, of course I know what a sentence is!", let me just say this: if everyone knew what a sentence really was, they would know when to use periods. By this statement, you can infer that many writers out there aren't using periods when they're supposed to. The two grammatical errors that are sure to kill any essay grade are run-on sentences and sentence fragments. But to recognize, repair, and avoid run-ons and fragments--as well as knowing where to put commas--you must first understand what a sentence is.

A complete sentence is defined by the following:

1. It contains a subject noun and a verb (either or both can be compound).
2. It is a clause that can logically stand alone (no need for other phrases or clauses).
3. It has some type of end punctuation.

That's it. No other requirements, no silly guessing games. Now, let's define our terms:

1. Subject Noun: considered the subject, actor, or "doer" in the sentence. (A noun in general is a person, place, object or idea--a definition you may remember from your middle school days.)

Example: The sun shines.

Verb: the action or state of being in the sentence. There are eight (8) main state-of-being verbs: am, is, are, was, were, be, being and been. Nearly all other verbs are action verbs.

Example: The sun shines.


2. Clause: a phrase (group of words) that contains a subject noun and a verb. There are two types of clauses: independent and subordinate. Independent clauses are always complete sentences because they can stand alone.

Example: The sun shines

Subordinate clauses cannot stand alone despite having a subject noun and a verb. They contain what's called "subordinating conjunctions" (although, after, before, because, if, until, while, though, etc.) and "relative pronouns" (that, who, whom, whose, which, where, when, and why).

Example: Although the sun shines, I feel miserable. (Notice that a independent clause had to be added to complete the sentence.)


3. End punctuation: question mark, period, or exclamation point. These are the ONLY types of end punctuation. Commas, colons and semicolons CANNOT end a sentence.


Now we can move on to sentence types. There are four types of sentences: simple, compound, complex and compound-complex.

a. Simple: one (1) independent clause. Again, either the subject noun or the verb (or both) can be compound.

Examples
* The sun shines.
* The sun and moon wax and wane in their time.

b. Compound: two (2) independent clauses, joined by either a comma and a coordinating conjunction (and, or, but) or a semicolon (;).

Examples
* The sun shines, but the moon glows.
* The sun shines; the moon glows.

c. Complex: one (1) independent clause plus one or more (1+) subordinate clauses. Some subordinate clauses are set off with a comma, while others are not. (Subordinate clauses shown in bold below.)

Examples
The shirt that I like is on sale.
Although that shirt is on sale, I have no money to buy it.

d. Compound-Complex: two (2) independent clauses plus one or more (1+) subordinate clauses. Guaranteed to require at least one comma or semicolon. (Subordinate clauses shown in bold below.)

Examples
The shirt that I like is on sale, but I have no money to buy it.
Although they both love pizza, Allan prefers pepperoni, and Jake wants mushroom.


That's it for sentences. If you have any questions, please post them in the comments section. The next grammar lesson will cover fragments and run-ons.

Finding Great Ideas

On this blog, you've read about brainstorming. You've read about writing thesis statements. Yet your first thought when asked to write an essay is still, "Uh...."

You're asked to write an essay comparing Macbeth to Othello and your response is, "But there's nothing to compare!"

I understand.

Just coming up with ideas for a stellar thesis statement can be tough. It requires some well-placed effort and focus--including:

#1. Reading analytically. And taking notes.

When you sit down to read a text, you should always jot down the following information:

a. Title of text
b. Name and short bio of the author
c. Year of publication/Historical time period
d. Subject of text
e. Theme (or thesis) of text
f. Description of major characters (for literary texts)
g. Main points/Quotes relevant to the theme or thesis
h. A one-paragraph summary of the text

Not only will these notes shave HOURS off of your study time in a class that requires you to read six or more books, they will help you write a stellar thesis statement for your next essay.

Why these?

* The author's bio may reveal a bias or experience that affected his or her writing. Exploring said bias can be the focus of a stellar essay.

* You may discover a similar theme in another work and, therefore, have the foundation for a great compare/contrast essay.

(What is a theme, you ask? The theme is like a comment on a work's subject. For instance, say the subject of a novel is "war". Therefore, the theme might be "war is evil" or "war is necessary". A work's theme reveals itself through poignant quotes, events and outcomes.)

* Books and novels often comment upon the times or society in which they are published. Such commentary can be explored in an essay.

* Character analysis can also make a great essay.

* The other notes? They will help you remember the text you read, which is essential when you're facing a midterm.

Reading analytically means keeping your eyes peeled for anything significant in the text. Pay special attention to the main character's evolution through the story, symbols, the story's ending, and conflicts between and within the characters.

#2. Go to class and pay attention (and take more notes).

I'm not being sarcastic here. If you listen to your professor during class, he or she will clue you in to the major themes and important quotes of the texts you are reading. This can be a huge help when stuck reading a long, boring, or confusing text. If your professor focuses on a particular scene, make a note of it and what he says about it. If your professor mentions a certain quote two or more times in class, underline and highlight that bad boy. You can rest assured said scene or quote will appear on a test, if not in your essay. Make notes in the margin of your text if necessary. Fold the page down for future reference. Organize your notes for easy reference later.

Some students complain that taking notes doesn't help them much. That's because they aren't taking the RIGHT kind of notes. Often, students try to frantically scribble down their professor's every word. Not effective. Instead, do this:

* Write down what he or she puts on the blackboard.

* Note the pertinent information he or she gives on the text.

That's it. Spend the rest of class listening and participating in the discussion.

#3. Think big and dig deep.

The biggest problem I see in poor essays is mediocrity (i.e., lack of significance or relevance). Sure, two characters in different stories may have gray hair and wear trench coats, but how is that worth mentioning? Do the gray hair and trench coats symbolize anything? Similarities and differences aren't worth discussing unless they are significant.

Actively look for ways to explore a text. Focus on symbolism or timelessness (i.e., a work written in 1604 still has relevance today because...?). Look for information that can tie two works together in a meaningful way. Do so, and you'll be on your way to writing a stellar essay.

Stellar Introductions

The introduction is the most important part of the essay. It is the first impression a professor receives of a student's ability to write. It introduces the essay's topic. And most importantly, it contains the thesis--the student's argument and the organizational framework for the entire essay.

Naturally, the introduction is the most difficult part of the essay to write. How does one begin a stellar introductory paragraph? And what should it look like when it is finished?

A good introduction is usually short and always concise. That said, it should always contain AT LEAST four (4) sentences, the amount required for a full-length academic paragraph. Students in the past have tried to argue this point, claiming that two sentences can do the job. Too bad they can't. One sentence is the thesis statement, which means the other sentence must fully introduce the topic and give the professor that oh-so-crucial first impression. No single sentence can effectively achieve both of those objectives. So, prepare to write four or more.

Also, it's called a thesis STATEMENT, not statements. Never split up a cohesive thesis statement into more than one sentence just to achieve the required number of sentences. It will not bode well for thee and thy grade.

The first sentence of any paragraph is called the topic sentence. The topic sentence introduces the topic, or focus, of that paragraph. In the case of the introduction, the topic sentence introduces the subject of your essay. The topic sentence should be more general in substance than the thesis statement, which introduces your argument.

Review:
topic sentence = essay topic (general)
thesis statement = argument about topic (specific)

Now that you have introduced the subject of your essay, what comes next? How about some background information? Let me demonstrate:

Mountain lions are creatures that naturally prefer to avoid confrontations with other non-prey animals (topic). In recent decades, however, shrinking habitats have forced mountain lions into areas populated by humans (history). As a result, mountain lions are attacking humans at increasing rates every year in an attempt to protect their territory (background). Lawmakers can help solve this problem by setting aside more land for wildlife reservations, providing more funding to national parks to educate the public on wildlife safety, and enforcing hunting restrictions on reserved land (thesis).

As you can see, each sentence flows into the next, providing relevant information that introduces the essay's argument. This is what a stellar introduction looks like.

Let's look at another example:

American novelist and nineteenth century writer Nathaniel Hawthorne was the first writer to apply artistic judgment to Puritan society. There were many transcendentalists during Hawthorne's time period, but his works showed little optimism and self-confidence. Most of his works were written from a Puritan preoccupation. With a series of short stories and novels that brought back the life of New England's Puritan past, Hawthorne achieved one of the most distinguished literary careers of the nineteenth century.

With words like "transcendentalist" and "preoccupation", you can't go wrong, can you? However, this paragraph is missing two very important elements. Can you guess what the are?

Answer:
1. flow
2. a thesis statement!

Sure, the vocabulary sounds great, but what will this essay address? How Hawthorne applied artistic judgment? How Hawthorne differed from his fellow transcendentalists? How he captured the Puritan lifestyle in his works? I can't tell! But with a little revision, this can become a stellar intro.

Nineteenth century American novelist Nathaniel Hawethorne produced many popular works based on Puritan themes. He was the first writer to apply artistic judgment to Puritan society by reconstructing the harsh images and bleak landscape associated with New England's Puritan past. Although considered a transcendentalist like many of his contemporaries, Hawthorne's work lacked optimism and, in some cases, seemed short on self-confidence by comparison. However, Hawthorne's preoccupation with Puritan themes earned him one of the most distinguished literary careers of the nineteenth century. The themes Hawthorne focused on most frequently in his works include religion, women in society, and retribution.

With a little extra information and some smooth transitions, this introduction now flows logically toward a clearly defined thesis.

Remember, at least four sentences:

1.Topic
2. Background/History
3. Background/History
4. Thesis statement

The List of the Forbidden

The chief complaint about the English language and the writing process is that there are few to no hard-and-fast rules. "I" before "E" except after "C"...90% of the time. It seems there's always an exception to the rule lurking around the corner.

Until today.

Writing academic essays--no matter the topic--is unlike any other kind of writing out there. It's direct, clear, emphatic, researched, and highly polished. And if you want to succeed as an academic writer, there are some iron-clad rules you must follow.

1. The following words are forbidden:

* things
* stuff
* a lot
* get
* everyone/everybody
* we/us/our/you

Why these? Because they are vague. Want proof? Here it is:

a. "Everybody" doesn't know, feel, or experience the same facts, emotions, or events. You can't even say that "everybody knows that the sky is blue." Some people are blind and don't know what "blue" is. So you can't very well use the word to factually support an argument, can you? If you're referring to a group of people, name them: Americans, parents, voters, Christians, etc.

b. Things. There are many "things" on this planet. Which one are you discussing? Can you name it? Watch this:

Example: Steve Jobs mentions several interesting things in his book, including future products that will help many people.

Revised: Steve Jobs mentions in his book several interesting projects his company is working on that will revolutionize the way people use technology.

Which sentence would YOU want in your essay?

c. Stuff. The "things" of 5-year-olds.

d. A lot. If you're talking about "a lot" in your essay, it better refer to a piece of real estate. It's a Paris Hilton substitute for the words "much", "many" and "several." Use one of them and leave "a lot" alone.

e. "Get" is a generic word that takes the zing straight out of your essay. A host of more specific and sophisticated words can replace "get": retrieve, purchase, obtain, achieve, receive, etc. So REMOVE (not get) "get" from your repertoire.

f. "We", "us", and "our" are collective pronouns. They are used to refer to yourself and at least one other person when you and that person have been named in a previous sentence, as in "Julie and I laughed; we had a good time." But most of the time when students use "we" and "us", they haven't named anyone. The result is an essay that sounds preachy, especially when the writer directly addresses the reader by using "you". Not only are these words vague, their use suggests that the reader shares the same ideas and beliefs as the writer, which can offend the reader--who happens to be your professor!

2. No contractions.

I may use contractions (you're, can't, won't) on my blog, but NEVER in an academic essay. Abbreviations (b/c, w/o) are a no-no, too. Write out every word. Nearly all professors require students to do so, and it will make your essay look and sound more professional and intelligent.

3. Don't start sentences with coordinating conjunctions.

Starting a sentence with a coordinating conjunction (and, or, but) is a great way to create a conversational style. But you're not writing a blog or a short story. You're writing an academic essay. That means conversational style is out and professionalism is in. Put those conjunctions where they traditionally belong: in the middle of the sentence. Need a transition? Use "however", "therefore", "moreover", etc.

4. Avoid cliches and idioms.

Using figures of speech to make your point usually backfires. When you use them, you aren't being specific or professional. The meaning behind some cliches and idioms aren't always clear. Also, idioms tend to vary by region and culture, so the ones you use may not be ones your professor has heard.

Example: The US Senate has a long row to hoe when it comes to passing health care reform.

Revised: The US Senate will have to fight long and hard to pass health care reform.

5. No questions. Especially rhetorical ones.

Just because the writing prompt is in the form of a question does not give you license to phrase your thesis in the form of a question. It's called a thesis STATEMENT for a reason. The same goes for your essay's title. EVERYTHING in your paper should be phrased as a fact. Make statements, then provide the evidence to support them.

The same goes for rhetorical questions. Your job as the writer is to convince the reader of your point of view--NOT leave the reader to form an opinion based on his or her emotional response to a loaded question. Asking rhetorical questions is a cheap (and damaging) way to avoid building an effective argument.

Any questions?

The Writing Process, Part 2

#4. Research.

Now that you have your thesis statement, you can begin research.

Why write a thesis statement first? Because it will save you from digging through tomes of information that you'll never use. The library is overflowing with volumes on the Civil War. If you know in advance that you are writing about the war's leaders, you can skim right over the books and chapters on the war's causes, race issues, etc. Knowing what you need will help you (and the librarian) find it quickly.

Research can also reveal if your thesis statement is too weak or insupportable. In that case, revising your thesis is usually an easy task.

When you find a quote or a fact you want to use in your essay, write it on a note card and label it so you know where it came from.

Also, write the sources you find on a sheet of paper or on separate note cards. Include the full name(s) of the author(s), publication title, article title, editor's full name, volume and/or issue number, publication date or copyright year, press name and city of publication, page number(s) that contain the information you want to use, Web URL, and the date you accessed the information. Not all sources will have (or require) all of this information. The point is to write down as much identifying information about the source as possible so you can correctly format your Works Cited page without having to look up the source again.

More on research later.

#6. Develop an Outline.

So you have a stellar thesis statement and some hard-hitting facts. Time to make an outline!

What's that? Your professor doesn't require an outline? Well, I do. So make one.

The ten minutes you spend making an outline will save you hours of writing on your draft. An outline organizes your points in a clear, logical fashion so you don't have to stop after every sentence and wonder what comes next. With an outline, you won't wander off topic or leave anything out. It will be the anchor you cling to when you're braindead at 3 a.m.

Start by writing the title of your essay at the top of a sheet of paper, followed by your thesis statement. Now write Roman numerals I, II, III and so on at the left-hand margin. These will represent your MAIN points or paragraph topics. The first and last points are always your introduction and conclusion respectively.

Let's say you're writing that Civil War paper. Your outline would look like this:

How Grant, Jackson, and Lincoln Affected the Outcome of the Civil War

Thesis: The actions of Ulysses S. Grant, General Stonewall Jackson, and Abraham Lincoln shaped the outcome of the Civil War in profound, surprising ways.

I. Introduction
II.Ulysses S. Grant
A.
B.
III. Stonewall Jackson
A.
B.
IV. Abraham Lincoln
A. Freed the Slaves
1.
2.
B.
V. Conclusion

See those A's and B's? Those are SECONDARY points that support the main points. (I filled in one as an example.) The small 1's and 2's contain information that explains the secondary points. You can expand your outline as far as you want or need, and can even write out the points as full sentences instead of phrases.

Does the Grammar Nazi write an outline every time? Yes, she does!

#6. Write the first draft.

At last, you can sit down and write! With your assignment instructions, thesis statement, and outline GLUED TO YOUR ARM, this should be a much less painful process.

Most students start by writing the introduction (with the thesis statement as the LAST sentence in the paragraph) and finish with the conclusion. But you don't have to write that way. If you're itching to tackle the heart of your essay, you CAN write the body first! Just make sure all the parts are in the correct order before you submit your essay.

Oh, before I forget: SAVE, SAVE, SAVE your essay to YOUR computer (not the library's) or storage device every few minutes. A glitch, power outage, or an accidental click on the program's "Close" button could wipe out all your work. And then you'll cry.

#7. Format the Works Cited page.

As you wrote the first draft, you should have cited any researched information with the author's last name and page number in parenthesis (or in a footnote). The Works Cited page provides the full source details for that information. First, know what documentation style you are using: MLA, APA, etc. (Some professors require their own unique style.) Then arrange the sources in alphabetical order by the authors' LAST names. This means Graves, John L. comes BEFORE Zimmer, Alan.

#8. Revise

Finished with that first draft at last? Great. Save it one last time and leave it alone for a few hours. Go outside and toss a Frisbee, grab a snack in the student lounge, whatever. Then come back and print out your essay. Yes, on paper. Read it ALOUD. Yes, audibly. Any sentence or phrase that causes you to stumble or pause with wrinkled eyebrows needs to be reworked. Mark up any errors you see with a COLORED PEN. Then make the corrections on your computer. Print out a second copy. Have an intelligent friend, roommate, parent or classmate look it over. Make any needed corrections. Print a clean copy for your professor.

Now you should have an essay worthy of grading.

The Writing Process, Part 1

So, you've received an essay assignment. You know what your professor will be looking for when he or she grades it. Now what?

If your answer is, "Sit down and start writing," you are wrong! There is a process when it comes to writing stellar essays, and writing doesn't really begin until near the end. First, you must prepare.

Here's how the process goes:

1. Understand the assignment
2. Brainstorm
3. Write a thesis statement
4. Research
5. Develop an outline
6. Write the first draft: intro, body, and conclusion
7. Format the Works Cited page
8. Revise

If you had never really skied before, you wouldn't sign up for the Winter Olympics, slap on a pair of skis, climb to the top of a jagged peak and take off, would you? Of course not. You'd be lucky to survive with little more than a broken leg. Skiing at that level takes years of training and practice. Yet many students approach college composition this way: they jump straight to step six and then wonder why their essays come back dripping with red ink. So, let's take these one at a time:

#1. Understand the assignment.

Want to make absolutely sure you're doing what your professor wants? Before doing anything, read the assignment instructions SLOWLY at least THREE times, focusing on ALL the required elements. Number or highlight said elements if necessary. After that, keep those instructions glued to your arm. Literally. Don't write or do research without them in front of you. Consult them OFTEN--after every paragraph if necessary. Read them AGAIN just before your final revision. This will ensure your writing stays on track through the entire process.

Do the instructions read like a passage from Faulkner? Ask your professor to explain them to you. DO THIS FIRST! Trust me: most professors would rather explain an assignment a dozen times than grade a bad essay. When your professor is explaining, don't just stand there and nod your head. Rephrase the explanation in your own words and repeat it back for confirmation: "So what you're saying is, I should..." Better yet, take notes. Return to your professor ANY TIME you have a question.

Can't understand the professor? Find the smartest person in your class and ask him or her to explain it. Still not good enough? Post them on here, and I'll help you.

Additionally, you need to understand that various types of assignments have their own requirements. For example, let's say you receive the following prompt:

Compare and contrast the theme of The Octopus by Frank Norris with the theme of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.

In this instance, you know that you are going to be EQUALLY analyzing TWO novels and discussing their similarities AND differences. Notice the words in all caps. Some students read this type of prompt and focus only on the first novel with information from the second one thrown in as an afterthought. Or they might discuss the similarities but omit the differences. Understanding the assignment, however, means KNOWING what you have to do and MAKING PLANS to do it. Writing doesn't stop when you've reached the required page length; it stops when you've fully addressed the prompt.

#2. Brainstorming.

Now that you understand the assignment, you need some ideas for how to approach it. Graphing your thoughts is a great way to start because it lets you literally see the flow of ideas and the connection between different types of information.

For example, let's say you're going to answer the sample prompt above. First, you will need to have read the two novels. (Duh!) Next, draw two large overlapping circles on a sheet of paper. Write The Octopus above the first circle and The Jungle above the other. Where the circles overlap, list any similarities you found between the themes, which may include the following: identical characters, socialist ideas, demonization of technology, similar events, etc. In the remainder of the two circles, list the differences that correspond to each title.

Now select the most interesting ones to include in your essay--ones that you can really expand upon. (Three of each is generally a good rule of thumb.) Leave out ones that can be explained in a single sentence. You want full, detailed paragraphs.

Example #2: let's say you need points to explore in an essay on the American Civil War. In this instance, you should use a "bubble" or "tree" graph. Start by drawing a large circle and write "Civil War" in the center. Next, think of the various aspects surrounding the war: its leaders, issues of race, defining battles, outcomes, etc. As each point comes to mind, put it in a separate smaller circle outside the large one and draw a line from the large circle to the small one. Then work to expand the graph by listing at least three aspects of each point outside its circle, again connecting them with lines. When you are finished, you will be ready to write your thesis statement.

#3. Write a thesis statement.

The thesis statement is the most critical part of the essay. It provides the framework and the focus for the entire paper. You CANNOT write a stellar essay without one.

Remember those points you wrote down during your brainstorming session? They will come together to form your thesis statement.

There are TWO types of thesis statements: a listing thesis and an inclusive thesis.

Listing thesis statements are easy to write. You simply list the points you will address in your essay. For example, a thesis statement for the Civil War paper might read: The actions of Ulysses S. Grant, General Stonewall Jackson, and Abraham Lincoln shaped the outcome of the Civil War in profound, surprising ways. Here, you are discussing three Civil War leaders. Subsequently, the main body of your essay will be divided into three DISTINCT parts, each focusing EXCLUSIVELY on one leader.

Inclusive thesis statements are used when listing would be too awkward, such as in a compare/contrast essay. Many professors prefer inclusive thesis statements because of their sophistication, but they are difficult to do right. The main problem is that they can come off sounding too general--more like a topic sentence than a thesis statement. The rule to remember is that GOOD thesis statements are ALWAYS specific and direct.

Example: Although The Jungle and The Octopus similarly demonize the industrial and agricultural revolution in America, Sinclair shows how the revolution affects urban immigrants while Norris illustrates the plight of rural farmers.

The first few paragraphs would then describe how each novel characterizes the industrial revolution, followed by an explanation of how the authors' focus on different social groups shapes the reader's perception of each novel's message or theme. This is the kind of essay that wins awards.

Newsflash: professors want sophistication, not summaries.

The remainder of the writing process will be covered in Part 2.

Think Like a Professor

One of the biggest complaints I've heard from students is that they don't understand what their professors want when it comes to essays. These students spend days agonizing over assignments, working late into the night to meet a page length requirement, only to receive C's and D's for their efforts.

Thankfully, this problem has an easy solution: think like a professor.

Every time a professor sits down to grade an essay, he or she will look to see if several criteria have been met:

#1. The student has fully addressed the writing prompt.

This sounds simple, but you would be surprised how many students write pages of material that don't even come close to fulfilling the assignment. I once tutored some history students on a four part book review assignment: (1) summary of the book's main points, (2) discussion of the book's strengths and weaknesses, (3) critique of the book's format, and (4) critique of the book's sources. Most of the students came to me with drafts that addressed parts one and two, but excluded parts three and four. Their professor was not a happy woman. Neither were her students when they saw their grades.

#2. The student has provided solid, well-documented research to support the essay's thesis.

Professors want specific information in a well-reasoned format. Personal opinions and generalizations won't cut it. Neither will quotes from Billy Bob's Quick Facts Site (otherwise known as Wikipedia).

#3. The essay is well-organized, flows logically, and is easy to understand.

Contrary to popular belief, professors aren't adept at interpreting gibberish. If you don't know what you're trying to communicate, they won't either.

#4. The student used proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

I've seen countless students fail essays over bad grammar. It's a big deal, and not just with English professors. The theory is that sixth-grade English skills shouldn't be a problem for someone writing at the college level.

#5. The essay is formatted with the correct margins, font type and size, and research documentation style (MLA, APA, etc.).

Blowing up the font size or widening the margins to stretch your essay to the required length is a death sentence. Even if your professor is literally blind, he or she will not be fooled.

Adhering to documentation style is crucial as well. A source's format communicates what type of source it is (book, journal, Web site) so that it can be quickly located and verified. If your professor cannot verify your research, he or she might assume you have invented or plagiarized the information--which usually comes with an automatic "F".

And that, my friends, is what you should keep in mind when approaching any writing assignment. In future posts, I will be discussing each of these points in detail, showing you how to write clear, simple sentences; how to write stellar thesis statements; how to quickly organize your essay's main points; and so on. Stay tuned!

Everyone needs a Grammar Nazi

Welcome to the Grammar Nazi. Now prepare to learn.

You're here because you need an A on your next writing assignment. You want to write the kind of scholarship letters that inspire alumni committees to throw wads of cash in your direction. Your eyeballs are bleeding from all the sleep you've lost trying to squeeze out a measly five-page essay.

I can help you.

I know what it takes to write stellar college essays--the kind that win awards and scholarships. I know because I've done it. I've also spent my years as a student and beyond tutoring writers of all ages and levels: high schoolers, undergraduates, graduates, ESL students.

I've helped students with papers on nearly every subject. Poetry. Art history. Quantitative analysis. Japanese anime.

I have tutored at the University of Memphis in Tennessee--where I graduated with my degree in English Literature--and at The Citadel Military College in Charleston, SC, where I earned a Master Level 3 tutoring certification from the College Reading and Learning Association (CRLA).

I will teach you to write better, faster...or die trying.

My blog will cover myriad topics related to college composition, including:
* How professors grade essays
* Writing killer thesis statements
* Analyzing poetry and literature
* Introductions and conclusions
* Brainstorming and organization

And I'll explain it all in plain English.

If you need other resources, check the column on the right. The links there will lead you to websites with more writing information, including handouts and practice tests. I will be adding more links in the future.

I'll also be adding more writing blogs to my blog roll for your perusing pleasure.

In the meantime, feel free to take one or both of the polls in the left-hand column. And don't hesitate to leave a comment or a question after a post. If there's a particular topic you'd like to see covered, let me know! The Grammar Nazi is officially on duty.